Pancakes and Pan

Tonight Giorgio and I were home alone for dinner so I made pancakes. He had never had them before and to my own delight he liked them very much! We didn't have syrup so we tried cheese, and prosciutto, and jam, and honey on different pancakes....all were delicious and I can't tell you how comforting familiar food was :)

We followed our pancakes with Peter Pan. Giorgio is currently reading the continuing story of Peter Pan in Italian and I thought he might like the film I brought with me. He liked it so much I gave it to him. It's fun to share my favorite story with someone who loves it just as much as I do. Watching it in English helped him with his English and starting tomorrow he is going to help me read his book in Italian.

I gave Fiorella a Bible study on the book of Jonah in English and Italian (and then I have my own copy in Italian) and we are going to start it tomorrow. I'm really excited about that. And hope that it means something more than just a language class...

Since I've been here I've been wondering over and over if my time here means anything more than "just another exchange student" to the people I've met. Today Fiorella told me that for the first time ever (she has hosted a lot of international students) she will be sad to see her guest leave. That made me feel really good but I realized it has nothing to do with me or what I've tried to do. The last few weeks I've felt that I haven't done much of anything helpful on any level, but apparently something (or Someone) is working here.

My thoughts about the beauty of my not being in control were furthered earlier this afternoon when I sat down to play with a wooden puzzle. There are six pieces to the puzzle and they have to all intertwine to make a 3D cross. I spent hours my first week here trying SO hard to figure it out, and I couldn't. Then, today as I sat only half engaged in what my hands were doing with the pieces I put it together. I found it funny that the less I thought about it and tried to do it the easier and quicker it was to do...

I'm not sure why I have such a hard time learning things the first time around (maybe because I'm so stubborn) but I know that I've learned the lesson of surrendering control multiple times before now and still I struggle with it.

I don't know if you've ever experienced anything similar to this or if you've ever experienced the reward of letting go of the controls....but I can testify that it is worth the risk. I'm not saying to throw your hands in the air and say, "I won't take any responsibility in governing my life" what I am saying is that there is something very good in not trying to force the pieces of your life together.

As an identified "control freak" (as my family calls me every so often) I know how difficult and uncomfortable it is to not feel in control...and I know that usually a person feels "good" when they are in control of things. But having your faith in something or Someone proven is a feeling that trumps anything else I can think of. I think maybe that feeling is one that the people I've met here want, but can't understand. They aren't "control freaks" and the most common reaction to crisis is to just go with the flow. But there's no faith in anything. They've just thrown their hands in the air and are waiting to see what happens.

I may not know what to say or do to communicate the issue of faith, but I do know that I trust God more than I trust myself and that I am not controlling this time here in Italy, He is. I know - whether I witness it or not - that He is and will continue to work on, in and through these people. That He will continue to open their eyes when they seek Him....and that, has been the most comforting thought to me in all my pondering.

I'm a rambler like my father and I know this is long already so I'll let you return to your day...I sit here hoping that these words mean something to someone.

Thank you for giving up some of your time to read this...thank you for your prayers...and thank you for your encouragement.